The desert will lead you to your heart where I will speak.-HOSEA 2:14
I have arrived in New Mexico-en route to a writers' retreat at the Ghost Ranch. I have come with a deep sense of emptiness. I can't seem to shake it. And so here I am-almost unbelievably so. I have traveled thousands of miles to put my writing hand to the fire. I need to clear this numbness that I feel inside. I need to pull myself out of this self loathing-this lack of trust in my own heart.
It has been said that the sheer beauty of the Ghost Ranch will transform you. Transform you. Quietly and astoundingly it will seduce you. I am childishly hoping that this glorious piece of Earth, with its wide open blue sky, its pink canyons and fossil- loaded cliffs, its Cerro Pedernal-will somehow sit me down, realign my thinking, pump me up with its clean thin air-and set me on course again. It lies in wait for me in the northwest corner of New Mexico. I am almost afraid to go. I mean, what does that say about me if I am not transformable?
And so I imagine the best scenario. Imagine the pink enveloping me in a little cloud that follows me around until I breathe it in and fill my chest so deeply my belly bloats. I will hold that breath in. I will not breathe out until I have forced every molecule into my arteries, until my whole being courses with a redder blood.
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